#5 Attraction

Have you ever wonder what makes you like a person?
Because he looks like Tom Cruise? He loves shopping like you do? Or he knows how to repair your computer because you can't do it?

I'd say it all matters.
Looks play the very important FIRST role.
Then we have the birds of a feather flock together following opposite attracts or vice versa. It doesn't matter which come first but it'll occur somehow.

It had found that average faces are attractive faces. And yes, that's what attract me of my boyfriend. He look average.

It was opposite attract first in my case. He is one smart fellow. I am just average. His knowledge attracts me because I know none of it. It's something I feel that I can learn from him.
And as time goes by, we became bird of a feather flock together. I'm so lucky to say that my boyfriend loves shopping as much as I do. He never gave a grumpy face nor stand outside the shop when I shop, in fact, he gives me suggestion.

These are just some things that I'd say start our relationship and strengthen it.

So I believe there's no hard and fast theory as to how an attraction occurs. Birds of a feather do flock together but to maintain a relationship, you need to be opposite to maintain the attraction. Just like magnets.

#4 Normative social influence among friends

Some of you might have heard this story from me.
But as John was going through today's lecture, this emotional thoughts ran through my mind.

Normative social influence. I had this bunch of close friends way back from secondary school. We were very close to a point that we called each other sisters. We used to do all things together, all six of us. But as time passes, we changed and drifted apart.

Few of them drifted apart first. They decided it's not possible to join in everytime. We tried asking them again and again but to no avail. Slowly, it was me who drifted apart. As most of my friends are from well to do family, being a poor student and a not so well to do family, I can't keep up with their ways of spending.

Initially, they still asked me out on a regular basis and I tried to "conform" and went out with them. But eventually, I gave up "conforming" because it's really too difficult to keep within my budget. But frankly speaking, I felt bad not to "conform".

So the point is, why do I feel bad about it while the other few in the group that had drifted away did not feel bad? I have my own thinking and should decide what is good to me. But then again, normative pressure are stronger when they are from my friends. They are the ones whom friendship I cherish. I tried to rebel against them by not joining in even though they had tried influencing me by saying that most of them are there (a very close bunch of secondary classmates), eg, karaoke session at Kbox.

Voicing down, it could be my low self esteem that's acting up. The low self esteem that caused me to feel guilty for not conforming. As for those two who opted out surprisingly, they really do have higher self esteem compared to me, no wonder they can take it so well. ;P

#3 To strive to be like Sienna or glad that you're not Minnie Mouse on loose

Many a times we'll compare ourselves to others. From what I can remember, as young as in primary school, I will compare myself with my peers, how they had done in the exams, what kind of toys they have and up till now, what kind of bags, shoes they carried. And maybe, few months down the road, how much salary they are drawing.

Personally I feel, this social comparison either boost my self esteem or it will crash it.

When I was young, I did badly in maths. But I'll always tell my mum that there are people who scored worse than me. Mum will alway tells me not to compare with people who had scored worse. I will not improve in that case.

At that time, this doesn't makes sense to me. I had scored badly in maths, but why can't I compare myself with them? At least they makes me feel better right?

And now, after going through social psychology, it then makes sense to me. What I had been doing is known as downward social comparison. It allows me to feel good about myself as I am not the worst student in class. By comparing ourselves with people who is in situation less positive than us makes our situation looks better in contrast. Thus, it sort of like a boost in the self esteem.

But mum had my intention in mind. She wants me to improve. thus would had prefer if I compare myself to people who had done better than me. This is known as upward social comparison. It's like having a role model so we will follow and work harder to be like the role model.

As I ponder more about upward and downward social comparison, this article in Glamour UK, demonstrated a very good example of us performing upward and downward social comparison when we are doing very minute task such as reading a magazine.
Drew Barrymore , Sienna Miller, Lindsay Lohan and the lady in red is someone we will definitely compare using upward comparison. We will inspire to dress as nicely as them or maybe try losing some weight but we are definitely glad that we don't dress like Minnie Mouse, a walking garden or a whore.

#2 A gift for a friend but never given.

I've bought this bracelet for a friend of mine, after knowing her predicament. It was meant to be a lucky charm, when she's all alone in Hong Kong, fighting with the bad.
As I was choosing the bracelet, I fell in love with it. I really like the bracelet a lot. I'd buy one for myself if my budget allows, but sadly no.
I was supposed to meet my friend yesterday for dinner and I'll give it to her. But I didn't get the chance as she was really busy last night. I could have find ways to pass it to her but I did not. I decided to keep it for myself.

Dissonance sets in.

I've tried telling myself (right until now as I'm typing this) maybe it's not fated. We've agreed to meet yesterday but yet she's the one who can't make it. There's nothing wrong for me to keep the bracelet for myself. It's perfectly alright.
There I go, this obviously is cognitive dissonance. I've tried reducing the dissonance by changing cognition. I tried to change my mindset to make myself feels better.

I could have change my behaviour.
By getting her address in Hong Kong and send it to her.

Or I'll add consonant cognition by telling myself that the bracelet will suit me more in terms of my dressing. It will of more use to me than to her.

Maybe, you guys can tell me what I should do?

#1 The 4 process of social thinking

On the 11th March 2008, I went down to this particular clinic near my place because my mum is suffering from serious case of chicken pox, all thanks to me. We wanted to send her to the A & E at TTSH but after considering that we might need to wait for very long, I went down to the clinic to seek advice first. I would not have gone to that particular clinic if our GP was closed for the night.

Saga begins...
Me: hi, my mum's is suffering from serious case of chicken pox and she have been running high fever for a week already. Is it possible for her to cut the queue to see the doctor?
Clinic Assistant #1: Errr.. errr.. How about you registering first?
Me: How long will it take so that I can bring her down?
CA #1: Now number 7 right? *look up* ya.. number 7. 13 loh!

I agreed and took out my mum's IC. The next moment, a lady walked by asking for the kind of transaction available and walked away. CA#1 called her back and did her registration instead. She totally ignored me.
I saw CA #2.
Me: sorry, can you help me check with the doctor if he will refer my mum to A & E or will he prescribed any medication for chicken pox as she have been running high fever for more than a week and she's not feeling very good.
CA#2: Chicken pox is like this one. No medication.
Me: Can you please just check for me because the fever won't subside?
CA#2: Chicken pox will keep running high fever one laH.

At this moment, she really pissed me off. I insisted her to check with the doctor so that I will not waste time waiting at the clinic if ultimately he will refer us to A&E. She went in after a long while, insisting that she cannot go in as there was a patient.

CA#2 after talking to doctor: *grumpily* Doctor say go A & E.

Why, why does the clinic assistants react to this situation like this? Are they like this for all cases? Do they think that I am exaggerating my mum's situation?
Why are health professionals the people that care the least?

CA#2 obviously did not pay much attention to my words and body language. As a result, she might interpret my intention as exaggerating the situation. Thus coming out with the judgment that all chicken pox case are non threatening as in her memory, majority of chicken pox case are non threatening.
CA#2 most probably had seen cases of chicken pox as non threatening. It usually happens in children and young adults which obviously is non threatening as they have better immunity. But it never occur to her that my mum is approaching her 60s and she had a bad case of dengue fever before. Her immunity is obviously not as good. Priming effects had thus causes CA#2 to generalize.

Anyway, we went to another doctor. He gave my mum the medication for chicken pox, yes, there is medication for chicken pox that alleviate the condition.
My mum is definitely better now.

PS: My mum's chicken pox case is really serious. She had fever of 39 degrees for almost a week. Fever comes and go with help of many paracetamol. Don't ask my why we did not send her to hospital earlier. My mum is a strong woman who thinks she can take it. Maybe we should analyze her behavior.

To end, something relaxing

Introduction

This blog is for my Social Psychology assignment.
No post yet. Just wanted to secure a url.
But the first post will definitely be up by 17th March 2008.

The great escape

Till then. =)