#4 Normative social influence among friends

Some of you might have heard this story from me.
But as John was going through today's lecture, this emotional thoughts ran through my mind.

Normative social influence. I had this bunch of close friends way back from secondary school. We were very close to a point that we called each other sisters. We used to do all things together, all six of us. But as time passes, we changed and drifted apart.

Few of them drifted apart first. They decided it's not possible to join in everytime. We tried asking them again and again but to no avail. Slowly, it was me who drifted apart. As most of my friends are from well to do family, being a poor student and a not so well to do family, I can't keep up with their ways of spending.

Initially, they still asked me out on a regular basis and I tried to "conform" and went out with them. But eventually, I gave up "conforming" because it's really too difficult to keep within my budget. But frankly speaking, I felt bad not to "conform".

So the point is, why do I feel bad about it while the other few in the group that had drifted away did not feel bad? I have my own thinking and should decide what is good to me. But then again, normative pressure are stronger when they are from my friends. They are the ones whom friendship I cherish. I tried to rebel against them by not joining in even though they had tried influencing me by saying that most of them are there (a very close bunch of secondary classmates), eg, karaoke session at Kbox.

Voicing down, it could be my low self esteem that's acting up. The low self esteem that caused me to feel guilty for not conforming. As for those two who opted out surprisingly, they really do have higher self esteem compared to me, no wonder they can take it so well. ;P

#3 To strive to be like Sienna or glad that you're not Minnie Mouse on loose

Many a times we'll compare ourselves to others. From what I can remember, as young as in primary school, I will compare myself with my peers, how they had done in the exams, what kind of toys they have and up till now, what kind of bags, shoes they carried. And maybe, few months down the road, how much salary they are drawing.

Personally I feel, this social comparison either boost my self esteem or it will crash it.

When I was young, I did badly in maths. But I'll always tell my mum that there are people who scored worse than me. Mum will alway tells me not to compare with people who had scored worse. I will not improve in that case.

At that time, this doesn't makes sense to me. I had scored badly in maths, but why can't I compare myself with them? At least they makes me feel better right?

And now, after going through social psychology, it then makes sense to me. What I had been doing is known as downward social comparison. It allows me to feel good about myself as I am not the worst student in class. By comparing ourselves with people who is in situation less positive than us makes our situation looks better in contrast. Thus, it sort of like a boost in the self esteem.

But mum had my intention in mind. She wants me to improve. thus would had prefer if I compare myself to people who had done better than me. This is known as upward social comparison. It's like having a role model so we will follow and work harder to be like the role model.

As I ponder more about upward and downward social comparison, this article in Glamour UK, demonstrated a very good example of us performing upward and downward social comparison when we are doing very minute task such as reading a magazine.
Drew Barrymore , Sienna Miller, Lindsay Lohan and the lady in red is someone we will definitely compare using upward comparison. We will inspire to dress as nicely as them or maybe try losing some weight but we are definitely glad that we don't dress like Minnie Mouse, a walking garden or a whore.

#2 A gift for a friend but never given.

I've bought this bracelet for a friend of mine, after knowing her predicament. It was meant to be a lucky charm, when she's all alone in Hong Kong, fighting with the bad.
As I was choosing the bracelet, I fell in love with it. I really like the bracelet a lot. I'd buy one for myself if my budget allows, but sadly no.
I was supposed to meet my friend yesterday for dinner and I'll give it to her. But I didn't get the chance as she was really busy last night. I could have find ways to pass it to her but I did not. I decided to keep it for myself.

Dissonance sets in.

I've tried telling myself (right until now as I'm typing this) maybe it's not fated. We've agreed to meet yesterday but yet she's the one who can't make it. There's nothing wrong for me to keep the bracelet for myself. It's perfectly alright.
There I go, this obviously is cognitive dissonance. I've tried reducing the dissonance by changing cognition. I tried to change my mindset to make myself feels better.

I could have change my behaviour.
By getting her address in Hong Kong and send it to her.

Or I'll add consonant cognition by telling myself that the bracelet will suit me more in terms of my dressing. It will of more use to me than to her.

Maybe, you guys can tell me what I should do?