Some of you might have heard this story from me.
But as John was going through today's lecture, this emotional thoughts ran through my mind.
Normative social influence. I had this bunch of close friends way back from secondary school. We were very close to a point that we called each other sisters. We used to do all things together, all six of us. But as time passes, we changed and drifted apart.
Few of them drifted apart first. They decided it's not possible to join in everytime. We tried asking them again and again but to no avail. Slowly, it was me who drifted apart. As most of my friends are from well to do family, being a poor student and a not so well to do family, I can't keep up with their ways of spending.
Initially, they still asked me out on a regular basis and I tried to "conform" and went out with them. But eventually, I gave up "conforming" because it's really too difficult to keep within my budget. But frankly speaking, I felt bad not to "conform".
So the point is, why do I feel bad about it while the other few in the group that had drifted away did not feel bad? I have my own thinking and should decide what is good to me. But then again, normative pressure are stronger when they are from my friends. They are the ones whom friendship I cherish. I tried to rebel against them by not joining in even though they had tried influencing me by saying that most of them are there (a very close bunch of secondary classmates), eg, karaoke session at Kbox.
Voicing down, it could be my low self esteem that's acting up. The low self esteem that caused me to feel guilty for not conforming. As for those two who opted out surprisingly, they really do have higher self esteem compared to me, no wonder they can take it so well. ;P
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
8 comments:
Argh reminds me of my life too :(
From primary school, 1 group of close friends.
From secondary school, 2 groups of close friends.
From polytechnic, around 3 groups of close friends.
From national service, many many many close friends all in different groups (I got thrown around in many different places :( hated it.)
Now?
All duno where... very tiring to keep up with so many groups..
terrible >_<
In my opinion, such friendships are usually transient and limited to the place, social setting that the individual is currently in. How many of us are still in contact with our kindergarten friends. Things change according to one's needs, and we value different traits in a friend as time goes by. For example, when we were younger, it is probably important for the other party to be able to play with us, have a set of common interest. However, as we get older, these thimgs seem to pale in comparison to other elements such as genuineness, compassion, honesty.
Oh man... this is so true. I have a group of friends; well to do and pretty. They are really really nice and has done nothing to create my low self esteem... still.. I feel that I cannot keep up with the group's spending and outlook.... sigh.
Dont worry about not conforming to them. After all, I feel that true friends are there for you no matter how rich or poor you are.
You will always have a group of true friends no matter when you had make them. And I am glad that I still have them since primary school.
I feel that friendships changed as you pregress through life becasue life expectations changes, people changes and everything chnanges. Trying to keep the same, norm, its impossible. When your mind is open to receive new information knowledge, your opinions and thinking changes and what is really for you?
Birds of a feather flock together or opposite attract? Based on the law of attraction, opposed attracts but to me many times in my life, people who ahve the same visions and goals are really the ones i will mixed with. Friends are still friends.. But the level of connectivity is different..
Like for example i want to go into studying psychology and not business. I tend to mix around people who loves psychology and devote time into it. Gradually, my mindset changes as i am open to the field and i will realise that i have grow into another kind of level.(Like playing game) whereas your friends have grow into another kind.
It really takes effort to integrate yourself into the group but i feel that at different stages in life we meet different people have different friends but those that can ACCePT you though may not meet up with u will still be your true and close friends..
Thats my perspectives..
Yap. We all grow and changes everyday. So in order to keep up with all, I think is impossible. I would rather goes as my own pace then to conform to one. I use to have groups of friends but now all gone only those whom really good worthy friends remain in contact and the contact doesn’t mean we need to meet up everyday of called up every time. But we do often make time for each other maybe twice of sometimes once a year. Good friends hard to come by, I treasure what I had but I also open to new alternatives. Feeling bad because we want to treasure the friendship and the enjoyment had together. Being a real friend would treasure your friendship not because you are rich but a true friend.
well.. only true friends will stay.. as cliche as this sounds. i've got quite a bit of close friends and many many many many aquientances. OH WELLS!! dun worry about not conforming.. ha!
i have my pri school friends. and then.. they disappeared. too tiring to keep up with thing. INCLUDING TRENDS! AHHAHA!
I do agree with wei shan that birds of a feather flock together. It's easy to know people but to be able to maintain a friendship we do need to have things in common. Take for my instance, it's pretty clear that the similarity fades as time goes by and so the friendship fades gradually.
True friends stay. But it's hard to find true friends.
Post a Comment